Comics from NY don’t get traffic tickets.

1. We are great drivers:  We have to be. The roads are overcrowed with cars, those cars are always breaking down because the roads that we use are either blocked off or like driving on the moon. Plus the roads don’t get fixed because the guys working on the roads do not actually do any fixing. They just put the cones up and then take them down just before they clock out.  Case in point. The BQE is only 15 miles long and they were fixing it when I was a kid 40 years later they are still not finished. The pyramids were built quicker.
2. We talk a good game:  Any cop will tell you, “I have heard them all”  Well a NY comic has more stories than Dr. Suess, and chances are we can get you smiling at least long enough to get you to forget about the fact that we just passed a stop sign because some crazy chick was pulling our pants off at the time and we GET OFF with a warning.
3. We did a lot of 911 benefit shows:  Every comic in NY did shows to help out during a that time. It was tough for everybody and everyone pooled their talents and gave to help those in need. Whatever your skill, you used it to comfort and help those who were serving the city and its people. You did a show and a cop liked you, he gave you a badge. You get stopped and show that, it was like a Get out of jail free card.

So I am doing this motorcycle event in Cave In Rock Illinois. 10,000 bikers just coming out to have a good time all on private land so the fun level goes up exponetially, if you know what I mean. Anyway, the cops decide to put a road block right in front of the entrance to the rally so they can break everybodys chops and make some money by giving out useless tickets.

So I am not wearing my seat belt. I don’t like to wear one because it is uncomfortable to me and that’s that. No other reason. I see the road block and I could have easily slipped it on but I didn’t because I figured there is no possible way I could get a ticket for this as it would have been rediculous.  Man was I wrong. The cops were all over me and checked the car out completely like I was a terrorist. Now here is the disturbing part. I whip out my wallet apon request for the license and paperwork feeling all cool as I am about to show off my 911 badges and give the guy my story about how the NYPD guys lost their lives and we did shows. Do you know what the cop tells me? EXACT WORDS. “I don’t care about those guys and I don’t know who they are! We have a no tollorence policy here.”

Then he write me up for a $90 seat belt ticket. Now I agree, the law says that I need to be wearing a seat belt and I was wrong. But you know what. I am an adult and I should be able to make my own decision on this and if I want to be risky I can do that. I think a seat belt law for kids is correct because they can’t make their own decision. Let me tell you. The govenment could care less if you wear the seat belt or not ar the safety of it. They only want to write the rules as they go so they can milk us for whatever we got. I can pay the $90 as I do alright. What about the poor guy making a regular living and now he has to pay his entire grocery bill for the week for a bogus traffic infraction.

I think we are totally going in the wrong direction with all these rules and regulations. Most of the time it is a self serving law used to make money for the state. The fact that the cop said that to me was the final kicker. I would be embarrassed if I was the cop who had to give out these tickets. Here the cops from the NYPD made the ultimate sacrifice plus they work some of the toughest streets in the country where every day they put their lives on the line. Those guys are heros every day. If these other guys have nothing to do or are so bored that they have to set up road blocks to give out seat belt tickets they should get some real training from the big city cops and start to catch some drug dealers. 80 – 90% of all crime is created by the trickle down effect of drugs. Get rid of that one thing and we are going to be way better off.

You know, I never would have written this if it was all about the one cop giving me the ticket. However, as luck will have it. I am driving down a 4 lane highway in Kentucky and I get stopped for doing 65 in a 55 and i pull out my trusty badges and tell my story and you will never believe what this guy tells me?

“I don’t care about those guys and I don’t know who they are! We have a no tolerance policy here.”

It must be a stock line with these guys. Like when a comic tells an old joke. Anyway, don’t drive too fast and always where your seat belt. If we all ban together and follow all the rules they make up maybe they will actually have to go out and protect and serve instead of pester and bother.